Patches and the Dirndl

As part of my Nerdiness. I have been put into a scholarship program for my future university studies where I basically sit around, get told I'm awesome and then taught how to improve my awesomeness. Now that may sound obnoxious, but don't be jealous....It's boring and really grates on you when you are released into the wilderness of a top Uni with 700 people who CANNOT dress themselves.

You see I went to one of their many annual meet and greets for the nerds to get together and beg for some human affection. They all stood around...as close to the other as public decency would allow and talked about law, medicine, engineering and other careers that would help further their four languages and specialist mathematical abilities.

So I stood and watched and had my retinas bleed as I saw various horrors in the outfit department. The two that made my eyes water the most were Patches and Dirndl.

Patches: A sick concoction of scraps material sewn together in to something likened to a homeless mans patchwork quilt. It was bright, it was big and it was awful. Not to mention it was reversible. Oh yes, it just gets worse. The damn thing was two tone on the other side- Fluro orange with red and white pin-stripes complimenting it on the other side. It Hurt Me. Words can't describe just how much but please understand Patches will pay for the damage I have sustained through looking at her awful jacket over a bright yellow cartoon-character top. WHY?

Dirndl: Ok so I hope you know what a Dirndl is. If not, think of the German girls around Oktoberfest time, then know the suffering i went through when a girl wearing a knee length black skirt with white lace trim. Teamed it with Knee-high black socks with white trim. She had her boobs out and about, taking a trip around the Uni separate to her and her boots were the calf-length lace up kind. It Hurt me more than Patches ever could. Children wept, minstrels wrote songs about the dark ages when she went outside. The sun hid till she went away, thank god she did because that's about the point I ran for it too!

So through this I have learnt. Nerds are unable to dress themselves appropriately whilst in the eyes of Giorgia. Therefore I must hurt them, killing them is not an option as we need them to do the things no one else wants/needs to do: Maths. So instead I vote we put in a statute...If you can't dress, you can't go outside. Capital Punishment if I EVER see Patches or Dirndl again (obviously an exception to my "No Killing" rule).

So there you have it. Dress nice, stay safe....I'll be watching.

Hope all is well.

The German, The Maths and The Ugly.

The German is still asleep, or playing the DSi religiously. It's hard to say as she never separates with it. Not that it's a bad thing, she's scoring me points on pokemon!



Anyway so Laura and I have had a few petty arguments. I tried to tell her that in Australia, we shorten everything and add a "Z" to most names. So Laura became Loz, she wasn't a fan. However I determination has prevailed and....she still doesn't like it. I've found she much prefers "The German" to anything else so that's what has stuck. I also tried to shorten her language to suit my own needs. Such as "Ich bin" being changed to "Bich" and whatever the word for awesome (something long and complex no-doubt) has changed to "Bich awesome"....She's not so sold on the idea, but I will win her over! I will. She told me this morning Germans just drop the "Ich." However I think it is necessary for me to take her language into my own hands, and damage it just a little....So "Bich" it is!

My Maths teacher hates us. He has single-handedly (not a word but I'll run with it!) destroyed my holidays with some ridiculous notion of "Holiday Homework." We have been given a project on quadratics where we have to draw our face onto a calculator....using graphs. So I have payed Boy to do it and I feel all is well. Our mathemagician teacher sees it as a learning opportunity and I feel that Boy could do with some education, therefore he can practice twice as much. Ah, Life's good.

We probably don't need to start in on the ugly.....I got up this morning looking like a bridge-troll. Little improvement might I say. My hair is still touching the ceiling and I could swear my eyes weren't that shade of red yesterday. No more late nights? I think so.

Oh....the German has arisen from it's slumber/DSi coma......."Bich aus."

Hope all is well.

The Camping Trip

I made it ten minutes before having to upload something.....Ich bin ungeduldig?

Ok so this is the middle week of the school holidays which would be fine except I'm the glass half empty kind of person which means we are slowly but surely heading back to hell......No school's not that bad but I find it necessary to over-dramatise.

Anyway so my mother decided that it would be a great idea to take our German exchange student Laura. (I call her the German though so prepare yourself) anyway she thought it would be fun if we all went camping. Then my Mum's friend Robyn decided to come too and bring her brood along which quickly meant that BFFL (Ebony) wanted her boyfriend to come and therefore my boyfriend Andrew (Boy) came too.

So this is how our trip began, full of hope and joy...

...Quickly drowned by the terrible weather in Lorne which forced us to sleep in the car whilst watching our tents be ripped out of the ground and begin to fly off. Luckily the German was with us and with her powers of engineering and Aussie laziness we watched from the warm dry car as she battled with the storm to keep the tents upright. She succeeded and for ten minutes we celebrated until we had to boot her out of the car again to fix the tents.

So we went to the beach in the freezing weather, Boy pushed me off a waterfall and BFFL and boyfriend were no where to be seen. An interesting start but I got a book that is no longer in print and BFFL bought herself a 1912 copy of Alice in Wonderland so everyone was happy despite the weather.

After two days we gave in and packed up to move into a cabin in Mt. Gambier. The cabins were fantastic, warm and dry which was something I was not after Boy threw me into the pool. It seemed that after three days he was determined that all my clothes were to be soaked because he put us on the water boats in Lorne where yet more clothes fell victim to the water!

It was in Mt. Gambier that I decided it was time for me to start driving. I drove the car back and forward for twenty minutes and managed to nearly run the German down twice, seems I am not to be trusted in a vehicle just yet! We saw lots of Koalas and other Australian life, mum started going on a rampage and Boy woke me up at 5am to see a sunrise that didn't turn up till 7:20 so I was left to sit in the dark for over two hours being forced to vocalise my annoyance at the freezing temperature and billions of milliipedes around that were mounting my feet...gross. I sought revenge after that and any other practice sessions in the car were aimed at running him down!

Ok so I've described my mum as rampaging. You see she has only one child. Two if you include the Germain so the idea of six teenagers being around (BBFL'S little sister included) made her very angry. VERY ANGRY. Unfortunately, being the slow children we are, we didn't learn to move fast enough and often were caught by her death stare leaving welts and an unnerving feeling....not really but still, I don't think BBFL's sister will ever quite recover!

Adelaide was the best. BFFL and Boyfriend stayed no where to be seen, Mum rampaged herself out in Mt. Gambier so was cool, calm and collected, Hahndorf, the Bruhns (her sister's exchange family) and good weather kept the German happy. In fact I think Adelaide may have been the only place void of a tantrum except from Boy's epic tanty at BBFL for not helping out with anything. We went to yet another water activity in which Boy attempted to talk me into water slides but having finally gained warm dry clothes I stayed away from his determined attempts to throw me into the water.

Yesterday we faced the 9 hour car trip home. The German slept, the BFFL whined and the Boy tickled me everytime I fell asleep because he couldn't sleep and didn't want to be left conscious alone. We karaoked our way home to Kelly Clarkson despite Boy's disgust and even whipped out a little of Mum's 80's musical knowledge.

Now I am home though and finally had a bed that didn't slide out from under me if I turned over!

I have learnt that camping is not my mother's style, learnt that you have approximately 1.2 seconds to run for it if you see her begin to go purple and that the German can sleep more than I though it human. She's more like a cat! She slept nearly 8 hours in one day and then went to bed at 10pm to wake up at 9am.

So I guess no camping for a while?

Hope all is well.