Friday, February 3, 2012

Strangers lurk in every corner.

So I have no friends in Stuttgart right? Just so we know, that was a rhetorical question - let's not hurt my feelings here... I did actually meet a really nice girl who lives just outside of town, but unfortunately people my age are still at school- usually finishing their Abitur (VCE), so it's best not to bother them during the day in case they are anything like me and spend year twelve screaming and crying...

Moving on....

I have however had a few weirdos try to befriend me, like these select three...

1) Train Weirdo. An old woman touched my knee on the train. To make it stranger, she wasn't even sitting next to me to begin with but chose to get up and walk over to where I was sitting in order to launch her assault.
TW: "Honey, you have a hole in your stockings" *Fingers hole* (poor choice of words there....)
G: Umm, thanks for telling me *Shuffles just out of reach*
TW: *Shuffles closer and continues to grab at my tights* You know if I had a needle and thread I'd fix them right here, but I don't, so you must come to my house for me to fix them there!!!! (Far too excited there...)

God knows why I didn't accept really- a random giving my thighs a good and thorough fondling in a public place and then wanting me to enter her lair so she could get some needles out - sounds totally legit...

2) Foreign Weirdo. My first experience with weirdos on the train, ahhh good memories, you would have thought this would stop me talking to others on public transport - but it didn't...
FW: I am from the Italy, you been there?
G: No not yet but I'm planning on it, would love to see Rome.
FW: Yes no, it is not the Rome you want to be seeing but the Sestola. You come, I show you my house and we make party.
G: Umm.....

That was quick....

3) Gypsy Weirdo. When I went to Prague I went straight to the hostel to dump off my stuff, only to run into a band of travelling gypsies - Ok, it was one gypsy and I'm pretty sure she was high, but none the less....
GW: Take it!!! *Throws a box of perfume at my head* IT PERFUME NOW PAY!!!
G: I don't want it  *tries to give it back*
GW: NO! MONEY MONEY MONEY!!!
G: No I don't want it!
GW: *Prepares to attack, begins hissing, crouches down into the pounce position and bares her teeth* ...

I'm fairly certain drugged up Gypsy would have mounted a full attack on me had it not been for the security coming out just in time to tell her to clear off. I sense I'm not the first nor the last customer she has scared off...

I know....My freak magnet strikes again - Victory?!?

Hope all is well.


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