Friday, April 9, 2010

Patches and the Dirndl

As part of my Nerdiness. I have been put into a scholarship program for my future university studies where I basically sit around, get told I'm awesome and then taught how to improve my awesomeness. Now that may sound obnoxious, but don't be jealous....It's boring and really grates on you when you are released into the wilderness of a top Uni with 700 people who CANNOT dress themselves.

You see I went to one of their many annual meet and greets for the nerds to get together and beg for some human affection. They all stood close to the other as public decency would allow and talked about law, medicine, engineering and other careers that would help further their four languages and specialist mathematical abilities.

So I stood and watched and had my retinas bleed as I saw various horrors in the outfit department. The two that made my eyes water the most were Patches and Dirndl.

Patches: A sick concoction of scraps material sewn together in to something likened to a homeless mans patchwork quilt. It was bright, it was big and it was awful. Not to mention it was reversible. Oh yes, it just gets worse. The damn thing was two tone on the other side- Fluro orange with red and white pin-stripes complimenting it on the other side. It Hurt Me. Words can't describe just how much but please understand Patches will pay for the damage I have sustained through looking at her awful jacket over a bright yellow cartoon-character top. WHY?

Dirndl: Ok so I hope you know what a Dirndl is. If not, think of the German girls around Oktoberfest time, then know the suffering i went through when a girl wearing a knee length black skirt with white lace trim. Teamed it with Knee-high black socks with white trim. She had her boobs out and about, taking a trip around the Uni separate to her and her boots were the calf-length lace up kind. It Hurt me more than Patches ever could. Children wept, minstrels wrote songs about the dark ages when she went outside. The sun hid till she went away, thank god she did because that's about the point I ran for it too!

So through this I have learnt. Nerds are unable to dress themselves appropriately whilst in the eyes of Giorgia. Therefore I must hurt them, killing them is not an option as we need them to do the things no one else wants/needs to do: Maths. So instead I vote we put in a statute...If you can't dress, you can't go outside. Capital Punishment if I EVER see Patches or Dirndl again (obviously an exception to my "No Killing" rule).

So there you have it. Dress nice, stay safe....I'll be watching.

Hope all is well.

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