Sunday, January 29, 2012

Picking Up

Picking up Germans is easy, especially when they're roughly the size of a midget and weigh less than 30 kilos. (Politically incorrect? Oops...) Not that that has anything to do with anything, just though I'd mention it considering 'midget throwing' is now a sport and I went to my first bar in Stuttgart this weekend.

Anyways so the other night I went to a bar to meet other fellow ex-pats (non-germans chillin' in Stuttgart). After the event organiser led me to the 'youth' table I immediately recognised my error - their definition of 'young' meant in their 20s, and not early 20s at that, with the closest in age to me being 10 years my senior. Not that there's anything wrong with being in your late 20's, it just made it a bit awkward between us when they wanted to talk babies and all I had to bring to the conversation was to quote those famous lines "Don't have sex! because you will get pregnant and die!" I think it's Churchill or something...

Well they didn't believe my age anyway and asked if I'd even hit puberty yet, but I find it's best not to answer these questions, they always seem to be followed by that question I'm asked incessantly- "Does the carpet match the curtains?"

No comment.

Anyways so after I realised I wasn't going to find any company my own age I naturally wandered over to the bar to order a glass of their finest brew - coke - coz I'm just that cool. Of course this managed to attract a lot of German attention including many questioning glares about my choice of drink and a few drunks stumbling over to have a crack at me. Frankly I was surprised by their drunken interest considering not five minutes earlier I'd been assaulted by advice from a bunch of  people in their 20's explaining to me the 'changes' that were going to occur now that I had reached the pubescent age, but 'the talk' was informative and I should really be more grateful...

Unfortunately my pre-pubescent looks only managed to attract a guy that was only capable of smiling like the Cheshire cat and saying "Hi" over and over again until my ears bled and some other guy who had followed me to the bar. His stalking was made all the more creepy by the fact that he was clearly double if not triple my age - not to mention my size - I attract only the finest of suitors...

Well let's hope my luck changes there, I prefer my men to be capable of more than one word, just a preference though...

Hope all is well.

2 comments:

  1. Oh yay, you've inherited your mother's freak magnet.
    BTW, I do believe it was her you were quoting, not Churchill.

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  2. Bahahaha naaaaaaah :P Mean Girls :D

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